| Love Jones |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|05:14 pm] |
"I only think of you on two occasions, that's day and night."
Anita Baker, Babyface, Mariah Carey, me -- take your pick.
Jonesing today. Which is completely distracting and oh so irritating!!! Oh well, no real cure for it I suppose.
I had a disturbing dream last night. I had a child who was really an anchovy (believe it or not that was not the disturbing part). I was lovingly caring for my anchovy child, who was part of a greek salad, housed in a plastic take-out container. As I was caressing the anchovy I noticed that a grenade (unpinned) was lying in the salad. So I threw the container, anchovie and all -- out into the middle of the street and I ran for dear life.
I suppose what disturbs me the most about the dream is how uncomfortably close to reality it is for me. While I would never put my children in physical harm, nor would I seek to protect myself physically while forsaking my children -- I am currently doing that emotionally -- to Chase anyway. Chase has repeatedly stated that he would be happy/happier/less depressed if his father and I got back together. And while I know that I could easily get Ebo into my life (under his terms of course), I am absolutely, positively never going to do it. For my physical and emotional well being. And while I know that moving on/forward is the right thing to do -- it is hurting my son. |
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